he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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