so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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