Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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