Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
