We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
