when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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