oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Someone signed my nipple.
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