Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
