I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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