Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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