Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize