I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
