he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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