Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize