Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
