I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
