im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
