3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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