Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
