I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize