I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
