her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize