he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
