I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
