im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
