Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
