apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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