you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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