If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
