your parents love me but you hate me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
