I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just found puke in my bra..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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