Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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