Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
