i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
