Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
