Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
