i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize