When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
