i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
