I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
