The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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