Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
