Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
