Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
