did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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