there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
