No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
