naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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