They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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