She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
