I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
