i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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