i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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