If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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