If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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