It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
