She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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