"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
