there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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