STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
