her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
