You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So apparently I’m into choking now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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