I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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