I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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