And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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