Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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