So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
