Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
