what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
