Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize