The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I enjoy the company of your penis
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
