I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
