his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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